Naked At Work

Welcome to 2024!

For me, the ending of one year and the beginning of another year typically is a reflective time and a time to do some self-evaluation of the things I planned to do versus what I actually did and to make plans for the new year with optimism and hope. I desire to do better, be better, be healthier, be kinder, be a better leader and to hopefully have more fun and enjoy the gift of more days and more years.

One way to achieve these things is to be more realistic and to not take myself so seriously. Sometimes, I get wrapped up way too much in ME and my expectations of others might be a bit too elevated. Said another way, if you can’t laugh at yourself, you might want to take a few steps back and take a few deep breaths. Life is hard enough without laughing once in a while and if you are anything like me there is plenty of material to bring out a snicker or ten.

I have also been a big believer in “practice what you preach” so I am going to share a story about ME that I’m pretty sure you can relate to as well as start your year off with a good giggle.

A little backstory for you all.

Before I retired, I worked as a financial consultant (that’s not the funny part!) and my firm and I would help people determine what the fair market value was of their companies and/or assets to assist them for tax purposes or to assist if they were looking to buy or sell. Private company stock does not have the same market as public companies and therefore people like me can make a living helping them figure it out. For example, if a partner wants to buy in or buy out, we provide an analysis and report as well as a conclusion of what we think it is worth on the secondary private market. It’s not as exciting as changing light bulbs on the top of cell phone towers but it pays the bills!

At the time of this story, I am about to share, I was climbing the ladder in my firm and was hoping to get a promotion to the next level up (a goal I had set for myself that year) and a raise in pay. This particular day we were to meet with a very high-level client that was looking to acquire another company and had hired us to be their valuation consultant and transaction manager. My team and I had done a ton of work analyzing both companies and preparing documents for a meeting that was to be held in the early afternoon. I had some difficulty sleeping the night before as a ton of things were running through my brain and it was futile to shut it off. So, I tossed and turned all night and then got up early and put my suit and tie on, polished my shoes and made sure to get to work early. I REALLLY did not want to blow this opportunity. Doing so would have been a CLM (career limiting move). It was chance to shine, and I was ready…or at least I thought so.

My story today looks back and one thing that I did not anticipate on happening but was hilarious. The story of me being Naked At Work.

But First …. A Joke:

A little potty humor…..

Ran out of toilet paper and now using lettuce leaves.

Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.

A Verse to Contemplate:

Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil - Ephesians 5: 15 - 16

Have I Told You This One?

Early warning: The following story is a sophomoric bathroom fable. If that is not your thing you can stop reading right now. If it is your thing…we can be GOOD friends!

Alright, I show up to work and I go through my presentation and analysis for the 103rd time and I feel confident that I am ready for launch. As I am sitting there playing my presentation through in my mind, I checked to make sure my tie was perfect, my shoes were glowing, what was left of my hair looked okay and made sure my shirt tail was not sticking out. Check, check, check and check. As the meeting was about an hour away, I convinced myself to take one last run to the bathroom and take another breath mint. Details matter my friends.

Here’s where the story takes a way different turn.

As I am walking to the office bathroom, I get the dreaded stomach “gurgle”. Oh no, not now! I had been very careful to not eat anything that day that might cause me to have to step away from the meeting, but I must have had too much cheese and not enough fiber (if you get my drift). The stress may have had something to do with it as well but regardless it was something that had to be dealt with immediately.

So instead of going to the urinal I head to the water closet to quickly do my “business” (or so I hoped). I get in there and I take my suit coat off and hang it up on the hook I have never used in my life on the back of the door. Next, I carefully undo my belt and gently slide my suit pants to the top of my shoes and take my place on the porcelain throne. I proceed to start my business transaction with the throne and suddenly realize that there is a problem. I was trying to remember when I may have ingested some Super Glue because things were not going “smoothly” (if you get my drift, again), in fact, I felt like I was trying to pass a regulation size football sideways.

The problem with this was that I had started to work up a pretty good sweat and I then was worried about ruining my shirt and other parts of clothing. So I did what any clear thinking individual would do; I took my socks and shoes off. I tried to punt the football once again with no luck. Off came the tie and shirt. Sat back down and tried again. My dad would have been proud of me because I did what he taught me which was “if you’re going to do something, give it your all.” Man, I certainly was doing that.

Now I have been in there for about a half an hour. My face is purple, I’m sweating like a pig, and I’m naked at work in the bathroom stall. My boss sends someone to look for me and this poor unfortunate soul comes in and yells “You okay Rut?”, “Do you need any help?” I meekly whisper “No, I’m fine, I’ll be out in a few seconds.” This was a lie.

Now I have extra pressure because I have to get done and put myself back together and the client is due to be there in about 15 minutes.

I start walking around in the stall psyching myself up and then I return to the scene of the crime and with all I can give I finished the drill (Coach McLain would have been so proud of me!). I took about 10 deep breaths and wiped the sweat from my brow and redressed in what seemed like seconds. I then did a penguin walk back into the office just in time to be at my desk when the client showed up. My boss came in to give me a last-minute pep talk and looked at me and said, “Damn, buddy, you alright!” “You know it, and don’t let anyone go into the bathroom for a few weeks,” He gave me an odd look (not the first one) and wished me luck.

The good news is that I nailed the presentation (since I didn’t have to sit down the entire time) and the client was impressed and happy with our plan and approach, so we got the job. I will never forget the day I was Naked At Work, and hopefully neither will YOU!!

A Prayer:

Heavenly Father, You made me with a unique purpose and calling. Help me to stay focused on my mission and run the race You set before me. Give me the wisdom to be aware of distractions that cause sideways energy. I want to fulfill Your mission and calling for my life.

Book Recommendation:

Bo’s Cafe by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol and John Lynch (2009)

Music Recommendation:

Terminal Velocity by John Petrucci (2020)