New Life from Death

I have been studying in James recently in my devotion time. I came across a verse in James that stopped me in my tracks when I first read it. In fact, I stopped reading and placed my Bible down and started to pray. The verse goes like this:

“My brothers and sisters, think of the various tests you encounter as occasions of joy.”

I felt like that was what I was meant to hear on that day. Problem was, I don’t understand what it means, so I stopped to pray, meditate and think it through. My biggest question is “Lord, how does that work?”

My family and I have been on a challenging journey over the past few years. This week in particular was very challenging as it marked three years since Michelle got sick and entered the hospital from which she never returned. Prior to that, this past week was looked forward to each year. It is the week we celebrated our anniversary, Michelle’s birthday, and the anniversary of her successful kidney transplant back in 1999. All of these events are only three days apart. It was a time where we could stop the fast pace of our lives in suburban Atlanta and thank God for being so kind to us and a special time to reflect on his greatness and goodness. Of course, it is easy to be thankful and joyful when things are going great, but when stuff goes bad, how do you think of those hard times as joyous? That’s a smidge tougher, at least for me it is.

Many people misquote the Scripture in I Corinthians 10. Many use it to encourage other people when they are going through hard times by saying “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” This is not what the Scripture says (or means). The actual verse, I Corinthians 10:13, is as follows:

“No temptation has overtaken you, except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

That was the first part of the answer I was seeking. Living in this world will always have its challenges, sadness, sorrows, and losses. The fact that the God of the Universe has prepared a way for you and I to ENDURE it as we go through it is something to be joyous about. Being and feeling alone is awful. Having your dreams snatched away just as you were going to start realizing them is a tough pill to get down. Watching couples go on vacations, go to church and other events together, to hold hands, to laugh together, or simply to talk to your best friend is very hard to work through some days. People mean well, but when you are on the “other side” of the conversation it falls incredibly short.

Like many who are going through grief, anniversaries can be very trying times. It feels like a dark cloud starts following you a few months out and then the storm hits when the date gets here. Grief counselors are in agreement that the best thing to do is talk about it. I hate talking about it. I feel like I make people uncomfortable and awkward. When people ask me how I’m doing, I quickly try and size them up and see if they REALLY want to know or if “Fine, thanks for asking” is what they are looking for. A friend that sits down with you and digs a little deeper is another thing to be joyous about. I am not different from many others (stop laughing!). We ALL go through hardships and trials, and things rarely work out like we hoped (which may also be a good thing). But the Lord helps us to endure. Works on our perspective by helping us focus on the great many good things that happen to us every single day.

Over the past three years I have been trying to get my arms around being happy and joyous in ALL things. I didn’t think it was even possible three years ago and most days now I have my doubts. However, I started paying attention to what was going on around me. I have one couple who are dear friends who both have been fighting cancer and have gone through the ringer. The wife puts together a daily blog of all the things she finds joy in. I am blown away by her faith and resolve. This is a thing to be joyous about. Others are battling just as hard or harder. They are inspiring to me. We all need inspiration when we go through trials.

One of the things that she emphasizes is to be thankful. Know that if God woke us up for another day that He has plans for us. If He has plans for us, He will provide everything we need to get done what He wants done. There are many days that are a struggle to get out of bed but if my eyes are open there is something out there that He wants ME and only ME to do, say, serve, etc. I can’t shrug that off. That is another thing to be joyous about. I have a choice to feel sorry for myself or to trust Him and believe that that all of this will, eventually lead to something awesome.

My blog today will be about an event that I have taken the time to look back on and realize that although it was a very difficult trial and things didn’t work out exactly how I wanted them to work out, God’s plan was/is always better than mine. It led me to trust Him when I didn’t think I could and changed my heart from sadness to hopeful and joyful.

But First…A Joke:

My grandpa would always tell me that when he was growing up, his mother would give him $1 and send him to the store. He’d come back with two loaves of bread, half a gallon of milk, a carton of eggs, and a pound of pork. He says you can’t do that nowadays - there are way too many security cameras.

Bonus Dad Joke:

I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

A Verse to Contemplate:

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Have I Told You This One?

When Michelle and I moved to Atlanta it was a great big adventure. Neither of us had been too far away from the Rubber City and all we had was each other when we put the car in drive and headed south in February of 1984. It was a LOT of fun. Independent and on our own, starting new jobs and acclimating to a major city. Being adults (stop laughing!), experiencing a ton of new things. Traveling all over from the busiest airport in the world. Making money for the first time in our lives that we could actually live on (barely). It was great (I may have mentioned that earlier).

I came back to Akron for the funeral of my grandfather, my mom’s dad, about four years or so after we moved. My dad and sister came to pick me up at Cleveland Hopkins and on the way back to Akron we were hit by a drunk driver going over 100 miles per hour which spun us off the highway and caused us to do a complete barrel role and we came to rest on the passenger side of the car. The driver ran from the scene. Luckily, we were okay. Battered and bruised up but it could have been much worse. Prior to that accident, Michelle and I talked about starting a family, but we decided to be on a five-year plan. The accident shook me up and when I called home to let her know what had happened, I also told her that the five-year plan was over. It was time to start our family.

Michelle’s dad found out that he needed a kidney transplant, and Michelle was planning on donating her kidney to him. When she went in to get worked up by the transplant team it was discovered that she was pregnant, and this would exclude her from donating. She was heartbroken and happy at the same time.

Over the next five years we had three beautiful daughters, and our family was growing. We both were excited by all of this until we got the news that Michelle now needed a kidney transplant. It was genetic in her family and that news hit hard. We had three kids under five, she had quit working outside of the home to be with them and teach them. Now what do we do?

Michelle didn’t want to go to the dialysis center and be hooked up to a machine, so she did peritoneal dialysis at home (or in the minivan, gymnastics center, or swim center) and would have to exchange fluid several times every day to flush her kidneys. Once kidney function gets below 10%, a person has to go into a dialysis center or get a transplant. Michelle’s mom was going to donate a kidney to her but when the day came for the surgery, they went through one last test to make sure they were still compatible. They weren’t and the surgery was called off. Michelle went on the national kidney donation register and had to have surgery to put in a shunt in her side as a portal for the machines. I never saw her more disappointed in my life.

She stayed at 15% for about three months and then fell to 10%. She had to start going to the center. A few weeks doing that until one day, on her birthday, the buzzer went off in the middle of the night and they told her to get to the hospital. Piedmont Hospital here we come!

The surgeon was this big ole boy from Texas and as we were walking Michelle to the surgery theater (she was on a gurney with the kidney in a box at her feet and feeling no pain from the pre surgery meds. I was trying to come up with something profound to say. All I could come up with was, “Well, Good Luck!” He looked me directly in the eyes, banged his hand on top of the kidney box, and said to me in a loud booming Texas guy voice, “Son, there is no luck involved!” and turned around and went into the surgery center to give my sweetie the gift of health and life. To this day, that was the most savage thing anyone has ever said to me! I love that guy!

After the surgery was over, I went into Intensive Care to see how she did, and everyone was very confident that it would be successful. It started working right away. Talk about a joyful heart! Her dad had three kidney transplants that were not successful, so we were very anxious to say the least. As I sat there, my mind drifted to the person that donated the kidney. I knew absolutely nothing about them. I asked the surgeon about the kidney, and he told us that it was a cadaver kidney from someone that had passed away in a motorcycle accident somewhere in Atlanta. Michelle had received New Life from Death, and we were so grateful.

We can never thank this person and their family enough for their gift to us and our family and all the people that got to know Michelle and for the instant change in her quality of life. She dedicated herself to taking care of herself and her kidney lasted 22 years. The average transplant lasts 10 years. Yes, God’s ways are not my ways and I’m happy to leave Him in charge. Even when I get hurt as bad as I did. I believe that one day it will all make sense, and I am not arrogant enough to challenge His methodology. He also is not in the business of checking with me prior to making big decisions.

How do you find joy in someone dying in a motorcycle accident, or the person you loved the most in the world dies in twelve days from Covid in a horrible way? I don’t know the complete answer to that question, but I do know that He woke me up today and He has a plan for me. Thank you, Lord, so much. I’m glad she is with You. I miss her unbelievably, but I trust You. As the Roman soldier said, “I believe, help me with my unbelief.”

On this day every year, I reach out online to encourage others to be organ donors. If you are not signed up and want to do it, please sign up. Also, please let those around you know what your end-of-life plans are. The gift of life and health is the best gift anyone could receive. I know that for a fact.

A Prayer:

Heavenly Father, give me courage to follow You no matter what. Help me to trust You even when it doesn’t make sense in spite of the way I feel.

Book Recommendation:

What Radical Husbands Do by Regi Campbell (2014)

Music Recommendation:

Social Distortion by Social Distortion (1990)

Quote of the Day:

When asked if she ever contemplated divorce, Ruth Graham (Billy Graham’s wife) said, “No. I’ve never thought of divorce in all these years of marriage; but I did think of murder a few times.”