When Helping Hurts

Happy Almost Christmas 2024!

Christmas is a great time of year for a lot of people. Not everyone but a lot. It is a time when there is more than just a passing glance of thinking of others, and it is a time to spend with family and friends and to take inventory of the year. This is coming from someone that doesn’t typically have the large responsibility to make Christmas memorable for the family. A BIG THANK YOU to all the moms, wives and grandparents that bring it every year.

I was wrapping my presents for a party that I will be going to later this evening at my daughter’s home and I am looking forward to seeing my girlies, my sons-in-law and the grands. This year I seem to be in a much better “Christmas-ey” mood. I am actually really enjoying it this year for a change. It can be a struggle sometimes. I’m not sure why but it can be challenging, especially the older I get.

I started to think back the other day and I was trying to recall some of the times that I tried to help others and/or be kind when it wasn’t the holiday season. It is much easier to be nice and there are more opportunities to do so in this time of year. But what about the third Tuesday in March or the second Monday in May?

I know people who go to prisons to try and bring some light to the folks locked up. I know others who regularly visit hospitals, or work in a mission, or donate money, or help the elderly, or mow the neighbor’s grass. You get the point.

I used to direct a ministry called Stephen Ministry at a former church. The ministry’s purpose was to come alongside others who are going through some difficult times and/or dealing with the consequences of life that sometimes hits hard. We walk with these folks and try to be good listeners and better question askers to assist them through the “times of poo” they are experiencing. Every once in a while, we would get asked by the pastors and staff to do some visitation to members that are in the hospital recovering or possibly living out the final days of their lives. It can be heavy stuff but very rewarding to us and hopefully to them, if only for a few minutes, to let them know they are being thought of and cared about.

I came across a few I would like to share with you that have a comedic twist from the vaults of the foggy mind of this kid of a tire builder. Sometimes Helping Hurts in more ways the one.

But First…A Joke:

Me and a buddy were having lunch with our wives. After lunch the ladies decided to go shopping, and the guys opted to try our hand at sailing. Bad decision - a storm blew through while we were out on the water.

Making matters worse, the tide had gone out, grounding the boat. We had to climb overboard and shove it back into deeper water.

As my friend stood there - ankles deep in muck, muscles straining against the weight of the boat, and rain pelting his face - he grinned broadly and with unmistakable sincerity said, “Sure beats shopping!”

Bonus Dad Joke:

Q: What is the quickest way to kill a circus?

A: Go for the juggler.

A Verse to Contemplate:

The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel (which means “God with us”). - Matthew 1:23

Have I Told You This One?

One day my friend and one of the pastors of the church reaches out and asks me if I have the time to visit one of the church members who is recovering from knee surgery in a rehab facility. He was overcommitted and needed some help, and I was glad to do it. I had never met this particular woman before, but I thought it be fine since we both went to the same church and at least had that in common.

The appointment is set for lunch time, so I take a break from work and drive over to this facility. Living in Atlanta, traffic can go from awful to the dark side of hell in a matter of minutes which unfortunately it did on my way to see this lady. I doubled down by missing the exit which made me very late for this meeting. When I finally get there, I find out that she skipped lunch because she thought I was bringing something for the both of us (oh boy). She didn’t take it well when I told her that was the first I heard of it. We sit and talk for a few minutes, and she keeps quizzing me on who I am. She seemed frustrated that I wasn’t a pastor or at least employed by the church. I smiled and told her that I am part of a care ministry in the church on a volunteer basis and was stopping by to check on her and see how she was recovering and if there was anything I or the church could do for her. She reminded me that I was late, and I did not bring anything to eat. I nodded my head and apologized once again. I then asked her if there was anything I could do for her while I was here. She said that she would love to get out of her room for a while and asked if I would help her get out of the bed and into the wheelchair and take her for a short ride around the building. “Absolutely” I quickly said as I pulled the wheelchair next to the bed. Well, my victim was not a petite lady, and I was by myself, and it was a bit of a struggle to fulfil her request, but I did it. Not without a few close calls but I got her into the chair. I made sure she was secure and as I turned her around to go out through the door I banged her knee (yes, that knee) against the opened door. As you might expect, she was really not happy with me and asked me if I was sent there to kill her or help her. At his point, I was not sure myself. I took her for a quick spin and then repeated the process of getting her back into her room. Not surprisingly, she suggested that that was enough for her for the day, and I prayed with her (and her knee) and slithered out.

Sometimes…Helping Hurts!

I called my friend and pastor to let him know that he might be getting a call from a very agitated church member about the care ministry. He just sighed and asked, “What did you do?” I told him and then all I heard was a big heavy sigh. So, I’m 0 for 1.

Undaunted, I get asked about a month later by a church member to visit her dad in the hospital who is recovering from a surgery that had left him in a lot of pain. The church member is concerned that he might not make it and was requesting someone go and speak with him about his eternal home and similar things. Oh, and by the way, he hates religion and especially pastors and will probably be very mean. Wonder why they called me? Hummm?

I get up to his room and knock on the door and I swear this guy looks like Sergeant Carter from the old Gomer Pyle show. Crew cut, mean scowl, menacing eyes, the whole tortilla. I try and start with some small talk and he’s not having any of it. He just wants to know who the @#* I am and what the @#* I want. What a great way to start off a conversation about religious stuff! I spent the longest 30 minutes of my life talking to myself in his room (you know how hard it is to keep a one-way conversation going with a stranger)? Well, he cuts me off in the middle of a sentence and tells me he is tired and would like some privacy. I oblige and leave.

I’m 0 for 2.

His daughter wanted me to call after I left so I gave her a call and unfortunately listened to her cry for another 15 minutes. I felt so bad for her. I know she was hoping for different results.

Sometimes…Helping Hurts!

Then there are times when it goes well but still hurts.

Michelle was asked to come to the home of a friend of a friend at church who was dying of AIDS. It was right at the beginning when there were a lot of unknowns, but she went anyway and held the man’s hand and prayed with him which seemed to comfort him greatly. I was so impressed, and my heart was full watching her care for this complete stranger just because he needed to be loved and cared for. I will never forget it. She hurt for that man from helping.

Sometimes…Helping Hurts!

As we enjoy Christmas this year, I hope that we risk the hurt and reach out to those that we know that might need a little extra love or those that are lonely and feel forgotten. This is a good thing to do on Christmas or the third Tuesday in March or the second Monday in May?

Merry Christmas My Friends. Give Till It Hurts?

A Prayer:

Lord, give me the wisdom and clarity to sense that You are doing seemingly impossible ideas in my heart and help me to trust in the Spirit’s leading into areas that do not make sense.

Book Recommendation:

When Helping Hurts (How to Alleviate Poverty Without Hurting the Poor… And Yourself) by Steve Corbett & Brian Fikkert (2009/2012)

Music Recommendation:

Arc by Jimmy Haslip (1993)

Quote of the Day:

“I intend to live forever, So far, so good.” - Steven Wright