Are You Sure?
Let me start by asking a question for today’s blog. Have you ever heard someone say something or make a definitive statement and you either think to yourself or even ask out loud…Are You Sure? Second question: have you ever heard anyone follow up with “no, I’m not sure”? Of course not, everyone nods and pretends that it is a GREAT idea when the reality is sketchy.
Another version of that is when you know someone really well and they come to you and tell you a big decision they have made, and you get a look on your face akin to a dog that suddenly smells something funny and tilts his head and looks at you with a look that says…Are You Sure about that? Like a person that has trouble with authority suddenly decides to join the armed forces or someone that barely can play the guitar decides to quit his job to start a band and make a living as a performer? You hate to be “That Guy” but you just don’t have any peace about this, but you don’t want to tinkle in their Cherrios (technical term) and kill their buzz. What do you do? What should you do? Let me tell you what I did.
I was about 20 or 21 and finishing up school at THE University of Akron. I was as close to broke without being technically broke putting myself through college. I had a dear friend (the names have been changed to protect the guilty) who had just ended a marriage (her first) after just a few years. She had started seeing this guy that none of us knew and all the sudden we get word that she has decided to get married. Are You Sure?
At this time, I was still forming some of my major spiritual beliefs and I had not truly understood what getting married really meant. During this period, I thought if two people wanted to commit to each other and they loved each other, that was great. Go for it. My belief now is that a marriage covenant is a sacred promise to God and others that the couple are committing to each other for a lifetime for better or worse. It is not to be taken lightly. Those that attend the wedding are actually giving witness that they approve of the wedding and are also making a commitment to do whatever they can to help the couple succeed. The ultimate goal is to glorify God in all they do.
As I got the news from my friend, I got a bad feeling that this was a rushed decision and that I didn’t think it was a good idea. It felt like a rebound relationship and also wanting to stick it to the ex. You ever been to a wedding and thought to yourself “this has no chance?” That was the vibe I was getting. The counter of course is that you want your friend to be happy and you can justify your negative thoughts with a ton of excuses including “it is not any of my business.” I would not do that now but back then I certainly did.
On top of that, my friend asked me to be in the wedding as a groomsman. I had never even met her fiancé and couldn’t pick him out of a lineup and my very limited funds were now going to be stretched even farther when I had to rent a tux ($100 back then might as well been $1,000). Yet another red flag, why wasn’t he asking me and/or why doesn’t he have enough of his own friends or family? Again, Mr. Softie Bleeding Heart (me) says “I would be honored to!” I suck at lying.
I get home and I’m talking to my parents and my fiancé Michelle and guess what they ask me? You got it, Are You Sure? Now I’m in one of those commitments that you can’t wait to be over and wish you had the castanets to say what you should have said, but alas, I’m in for the whole trip now so let’s make the best of it.
As the big day drew closer the wedding plans starting to accelerate and before you know it, it’s showtime! On the evening of the rehearsal, we met at the church for a walk through and I got to meet the groom for the first time. Instead of being pleasantly surprised and ashamed that I thought these negative things about this fella, it confirmed them. Are You Sure? Now it seems like it’s too late to say anything, so I just smile and shake hands and smile for the pictures.
Just when I thought I couldn’t feel anymore awkwardly about this, Red Flag #2 shows up. I meet the priests that are going to be officiating the wedding. There was the older established priest that looked and acted like you would expect a priest to present himself and then there was the second priest who reminded me of Chris Farley’s character of the motivational speaker who lived in a van down by the river! This guy apparently was the part of the new generation of priests. I was not impressed.
Have you ever been in a room of people you don’t know and the only person that you do know is off talking to everyone else? That’s where I was at the rehearsal. Uncomfortable, awkward and really wanting to flee. But I honor my promises so I gut it out. As I am observing the interactions I hear Chris Farley over with the bridesmaids and my friend. Apparently, they had a WILD bachelorette party the night before which the priest attended (I kid you not). They were reliving the debauchery and having a big old laugh about it. Yikes. Are You Sure my dear friend? I love you and care about you, but I think you are about to drive off of a cliff. What did I do? Nothing, that’s what. To my forever shame.
Mr. Farley was a Lutheran priest. I didn’t know anything about the Lutheran view of faith, but I was a bit taken back that he was promoting drinking and shenanigans versus warning against such things. I grew up with a lot of Catholic friends and family and was not too shocked that priests drank even with their collars on, but this guy was hammered every time I saw him. Are You Sure, bro?
So, buckle up as today’s blog will be about the ill-fated wedding that turned out even crazier than I thought it would be with an ending that you will either gasp at or shake your head and say to yourself, “That seems about right for Markus!”
But First…A Joke:
On Father’s Day, a little boy decides to make his dad breakfast in bed. He makes scrambled eggs, toast, and coffee. He brings it to his dad, hands him a cup of coffee, and says, “Try it, Dad!!” The father takes a sip and nearly spits it out because it is so strong. The little boy asks, “Dad, how do you like it?”
Trying not to hurt his feelings, the dad replies, “This is…something else, I’ve never tasted coffee quite like this before, son.” The little boy smiles from ear to ear and says, “Drink some more!”
As the father is drinking, he notices two plastic army men in the bottom of the cup. “Hey! Why did you put army guys in here?” The little guy again smiles and sings, “The Best Part of Waking Up Is Soldiers in Your Cup!”
A Verse to Contemplate:
When you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave in the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. - James 1: 6-8
Have I Told You This One?
The wedding day arrives, and I get into my tux, pick up Michelle and head for the church to get my friend hitched hoping for a quick wedding and as soon as my responsibilities are completed, I am out of there. Not a great attitude to have for a good time, right?
Michelle is less than thrilled as well because the only person she knows is me and I have to sit at the main table most of the night, so she gets to have small talk with complete strangers until I am released from my duties.
I try and be helpful to this complete stranger I am standing with at the wedding and go by and try and give him some encouragement. He looks at me like it was the first time he has ever seen me because it is! I shake his hand and congratulate him and introduce myself. He gives me a dead fish handshake which I HATE and mumbles something I didn’t comprehend. I realize this guy is never going to win me over and I slip into the background and start thanking God that these folks were not Catholic so the service wouldn’t last for hours (Sorry, to my Catholic friends and family but your weddings are long).
The music starts and we enter two at a time walking that wedding walk like we are on a fashion runway in New York City, smile for the photographers and take our places on the stage. The groom and the priests come in next and take their places. Chris Farley is hammered and waving at all the bridesmaids and ladies in the front row as the older priest elbows him in the ribs in an effort to get him to be a tick professional. I’m even less impressed now, shows up drunk to work. Are You Sure?
I locate Michelle out in the crowd, and she gives me THE look. Not A look, THE look. I shrug my shoulders as if to say, what can I do about it? We smile at each other and settle in for the nuptials. Thankfully, it is a nice quick ceremony and my friend looks beautiful and seems happy. The groom looks like he’s late for a plane. Are You Sure?
We sit up at the main table and we eat, dance, cut the cake, etc. All the normal things in a wedding. They take the final pictures, and I am set free to be with the most beautiful lady in the room…FINALLY! I am ready to catch up with her and slowly slip away when the time is right but she has some news for me that I was not expecting but probably should have been.
I look at her and can tell that she is not happy. I ask her, “What’s wrong?” and she informs me that Priest Farley has been hitting on her and will not let up. “Every time I turn around, he is right there!” she says. He is invading my personal space, and he is hammered. For the record, I have not had a drink and am completely sober. I am 20 or 21 and still full of you know what and vinegar, and I still like to fight a little bit. I am used to defending her honor because she is so pretty but I NEVER thought I would have to do so with a priest! So now it is my turn to ask the dumb question and I look at her and ask, “Are You Sure?” I immediately knew that I had made a mistake. She said “Positively!” For all the guys reading this, that was the minute that I knew that all women KNOW when they are being hit on, so if they say it, you can believe it.
Anyway. The music is thumping, and everyone is having a good time except me because now I have decided to confront a priest that has been making me angry for several days now. So, I walk over to Chris Farley, and I ask him this “Excuse me, could I have a word with you father?” So, he stagers over and asks me, “What can I help you with my friend?”
Me: First of all, I am not your friend.
Him: I’m sorry, what?
Me: I point to Michelle and ask, Do you see that woman over there in the black dress looking at us?
Him: Yes, she is very pretty.
Me: That is my fiancé and she tells me that you have been hitting on her while my back was turned.
Him: I can assure you that is not the case.
Me: You have this all wrong, sir. This is not a conversation or a debate. I am talking and you are going to listen. I want this to be crystal clear to you.
Him: Okay.
Me: If I see you anywhere near her for the rest of the evening, I am going to knock you out. Do we understand the conditions?
Him: Uh huh.
Me: Are You Sure?
I eyeballed him the rest of the evening and he didn’t try his luck. There was a part of me hoping he would try me but at the same time I didn’t because I might have had a hard time explaining to my friend why I ruined her wedding by knocking a drunk priest out.
Not surprisingly, the marriage didn’t last a year and I felt horrible for them. No one had the guts to speak up or if they did, she wasn’t listening. The good part of the story is that hubby number three was a great guy, and they had a great marriage. I wasn’t invited to that wedding, I wonder why?
A Prayer:
Heavenly Father, I give You the reins of my life. Turn my eyes back to You when I begin to sink because I am looking around instead of looking up to You.
Book Recommendation:
Radical - Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream - David Platt (2010)
Music Recommendation:
Bad Company by Bad Company (1974)