Free Girl Scout Cookies!

It’s that time of year again! Girl Scout cookie ordering time. Throughout the years I think I’ve put a few kids through college with the boxes of cookies I bought from those precious little entrepreneurs. I can’t (or won’t) say no to them. I’ve bought them from every boss’s kid in my 40 years of working, every neighbor’s kid, every one of my nieces that sold them, stranger’s kids outside of Walmart and the one little girl who chased me through a parking lot at the grocery store that wouldn’t take no for an answer. I told her I didn’t have any cash on me, so she followed me to my car and asked me “How about now?” OK kid, you win! Enjoy your career as a shake down artist!

The best one I have heard about lately is the little genius that set up outside of a “dispensary” in Oregon after folks were buying their CBD products and other “medical” needs. I think she won the national contest for the most boxes sold and bought a house in Maui with her earnings.

Michelle used to give me the side-eye when I’d come rolling in the house with a bag full of those lovely morsels. You know the one, the one where she doesn’t say a word, but you hear “Those are the last things you need big boy.” Regardless, I keep buying them because I like to do my part to help those sweet little girls out, you know…I’m a giver that way!!

So, my favorites are the following in order of enjoyment: (1) Samoas, (2) Thin mints, and (3) Do-si-dos. They are each about 70 - 100 calories per cookie and I’ve never seen anyone each just one. When my doctor looks at my blood test results, he just looks over the top of his glasses at me and says, “put the rest of them in the freezer.” I look at my shoes and say, “rest of them?”. He shakes his head and chews me out, but I tell him to hurry up because the thin mints are melting in my car in the parking lot.

One of the coolest parts of my work coming up through the ranks is that I got to value a number of very interesting businesses over the years. One of the most memorable was a commercial bakery in Augusta, Georgia that made Girl Scout cookies. There are many across the U.S., but this one was one of the biggest and highest producers. I wish I could remember the name now, but it was back in the late 1980’s and I just can’t remember but I do remember a lot about that valuation.

As with most valuations I performed, we would arrive at the plant and talk with those in charge and meet the management of the company and the heads of each department to let them know who we were and what we were doing there and what information we would need. Once that was handled, we would go for a detailed plant tour and get a firsthand look at how the process worked for each respective facility.

In this particular case, I was to see my first ever large-scale baking operation and we happened to be there when they were pumping out TONS of Girl Scout cookies. I tried to maintain my composure, but I had to admit this was pretty cool for a tire builder’s kid from Akron. I was on a team of guys that had done many of these kinds of operations, so I was excited to learn. The very first thing I learned was that you NEVER wear a dark blue suit to a bakery. Why this didn’t occur to me BEFORE I got there is still a mystery, but my “team” thought it would be funny to see the new guy covered in flour and sugar.

Speaking of “new guy”, that’s exactly what I was at the time. The firm had an apprentice model, and I went and gained experience by following these guys around until I could prove to them that I could do it by myself and run a team of my own. I was referred to as the “FNG”. N stands for new, G stands for guy, and I will let your imagination figure out what the F stands for.

The process in a nutshell is as follows: The products being baked are mixed to the recipe’s standards in massive big amounts. This is not the corner bakery we are talking about here. Once the dough is ready it is placed in pans or molds and sent to the ovens. The ovens are called circular ovens are range from 10 to 15 decks high. Once they come out of the ovens, they are cooled in enclosed conveyors that typically are 300 to 400 feet long. At the end of the cooling conveyors, they are packed in boxes, loaded on skids and forklifted into the warehouse or onto the delivery trucks.

After the tour, our team gathered in a conference room that we were going to use as an office until we had completed our work, which consisted of getting all the information we could on the operation and once we were done, we would head back to the Atlanta office and finish up our valuation after doing our research. We would then put a large descriptive report together and send it to the client.

I had been around enough that my supervisors were getting comfortable with me and decided that they were going to give me more responsibility on this valuation, and I was to be in charge of listing and valuing the 10 baking lines in the plant. I was excited and nervous at the same time and definitely did not want to blow this opportunity.

Today’s blog will let you in on how that all went and how I was able to get free Girl Scout cookies!

But First…A Joke:

There was a housepainter who was always looking for a way to save a buck, so he would often thin his paint to make it go further. One day, a local church decided to do a big restoration, and the painter put in a bid. He got the job because his price was so competitive.

Just as he was finishing the job, the painter was up on a scaffold when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened and rain poured down, washing the watery paint off the church and knocking the painter down onto the lawn, surrounded by puddles of thinned and useless paint.

Fearing this was judgment from the Almighty, he got on his kness and cried, “Forgive me! What should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke: “Repaint! Repaint and thin no more!”

A Verse to Contemplate:

But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well - Matthew 6:33

Have I Told You This One?

As I mentioned before, I really like the Samos, Thin Mints and Do-si-Dos. Well, as luck would have it, the first three lines of the 10 total lines were making these cookies. Alright, Alright, Alright!! So, I am writing down the information I need (size, capacity, speed, materials of construction, etc.), taking pictures, watching the whole process from beginning to end. I’m also looking at all the support equipment and control systems. It was very impressive. As I followed the process through to the cooling section I was impressed how slick the process was and how uniform the cookies came out at the end. It was pretty cool.

I repeated my process for each of the 10 lines. Thankfully, they were all almost identical, so it made it relatively easy to describe and list, which is probably why my supervisors were willing for me to take a crack at it.

Well, it’s getting to almost lunch time, and I have been smelling these cookies baking for several hours now and I’m starting to get a bit curious about how these babies taste right off the conveyor. So, I go back to line 1 that had the Samoas (my favorite), and I slowly get close to the conveyors and while trying not to be too obvious I pick one of them up and take a bite. Oh Lordy! It was VERY good.

So, I head on over to the thin mint line and was not able to resist those either. I picked up a couple and scarfed them down (they are smaller you know)! Lordy, those lacked “suckiness” too. Am I in heaven? Nope, but I am on a roll.

No one is saying anything to me, so I decide to do-si-do over to the Do-si-Do line. My willpower wasn’t any better there either as I helped myself to those too. I mean, as a professional I have to be thorough in my research, right?

I head out and take a look and some of the other equipment and control systems and every once in a while, I head on back to the first three lines and help myself to some more of those delicious little delights. What a job I have! I complete my work and I’m about to go back for another round and I hear my name being called over the PA system. “Mark Rutledge, please come to the general manager’s office for an important call". By the by, I’ve never heard my name called over a P.A. system that turned out to be good news, have you?

I go by the conference room and drop my stuff off and head to the general manager’s office. As I walk in there, I notice that he has about 10 boxes each of the Samoas, Thin Mints and Do-si-Dos on his conference table and he asks me to please have a seat. I do as instructed and I’m starting to get a little worried about who was calling me. The GM pulls up a computer screen and asks me a few questions. The first being that even though he just met me he has learned a few things about me. Like an “FNG”, I go “Oh, really, what are they?” He says that he is positive what my favorite cookies are while he starts a video of the lines and an incriminating replay of me raiding the lines. I’m not sure if I should laugh or apologize and he saves me by telling me that these 30 boxes of Girl Scout cookies are mine to keep on one condition. I exhale and say, “What is that?”. He says, “Stop taking cookies off the lines because you are making the packers at the end very angry because you are screwing up the counts. There’s one missing, then 2 missing, etc. I sheepishly look at him and start to apologize when the rest of my team comes in laughing and pointing at me.

The GM was a great guy and let me know that I wasn’t the first and will not be the last to give in to their urges.

When I returned home with 28 boxes of cookies (hee-hee), Michelle again gave that famous side eye and I just said I need to tell you a story and it will all make sense.

That’s an odd way to get some free cookies but I’m a pretty odd guy!

Does anyone know where I can get me some cookies this year?

A Prayer:

Thank You, my gracious and sovereign God, that You have been with me and carried me from the day of my birth until today…that You have known my whole life, from beginning to end, since before I was born…and that You wrote in Your book all the days that You ordained for me to before one of them came to be.

Book Recommendation:

Heaven by Randy Alcorn (2004)

Music Recommendation:

Belly of the Beast - Joe Lynn Turner (2022)