The Humble Path to You

In about a week or so, my little family and I are going to head down to Pensacola Beach, Florida and celebrate “Michelle Palooza 3.” Every year since she has past, we have honored her wishes and got together to have a fun weekend and remember her. Not in a sad way but hopefully in a fun and honoring way. It is hard to believe that it has been three years already and as I have been preparing for the trip my thoughts have drifted back and forth to all that has gone on since August 22, 2021.

I have a saying as my signature in my email “A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.” It reminds me that the tough times are an opportunity for great spiritual growth and that by trusting in God and relying on Jesus I will be much better when we come out on the other side because we trusted Him in the storms.

I am sure you have all heard the saying that goes something like this: “When one door closes another door is opened.” I am not sure that this is even true but there is also another saying that I feel describes what I have been going through over the past three years. It goes like this, “When one door closes another door is opened but it is Hell in the Hallway!”. There is actually a book by this name that is pretty good.

A verse that has meant a great deal to me my most of my life is Micah 6:8, which is: “What does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” As a younger person I thought that this verse really “bottom lined” it for me. If I could do this and the people around me could do this, the world would be a fantastic place.

Being humbled is not pleasant. I have never met anyone that has been truly humbled that has enjoyed it. I am like many of you, and I have worked hard and did what I have had to do to lead my family. One of the snares we can experience is the confidence in our own abilities and forgetting that we really have no control over what happens in our life. We can feel like we do, and things can go the way we hoped they would, but it does not mean we are that good and that strong. One of the most dangerous prayers you could ever pray is a prayer to God to humble and break you.

Michelle’s passing sent our worlds crashing down around us and shook me to the point of challenging everything I believed in God. It humbled me to a point of brokenness. It revealed to me who He was and who I was and that we are not the same. Not even close.

Many of you know our story. My wife and I have been together since we first met when I was a sophomore in high school, and she was a freshman. I asked her to the Valentine’s Day dance at our school in 1976 and we were together until 2021. We grew up together. We were married in 1982 and were married for 39 years. We were blessed with three daughters who are now married to three of the best sons in laws you could ask for. They blessed us with three grandchildren and number four is on the way early next year.  I love her more than I can ever tell her in five lifetimes. I was blessed with a person that makes me a better man just by knowing her.  

The last three years have been mostly lonely and difficult. I know that time heals all and I am experiencing that statement. I am further down the road in my grieving every year, but I am still amazed of how much more there is to do. Somedays it feels like a blink of an eye and somedays it feels like a horrible dream that I can’t wake up from.

On August 10, 2021, on her 60th birthday, my bride was admitted to the hospital diagnosed with COVID-19. She was at considerable risk because she had been the recipient of a successful kidney transplant 20 years previously and was on medication that suppressed her immune system. Twelve days later she was gone. I never got to speak to her.  

In today’s blog I am attempting to put into writing what I have learned over the past three years and where I feel I am at in this process. If you don’t want to continue reading, I understand. For those that continue on, I hope it may help you now or when it’s your turn.

Thanks for walking one more time with this Tire Builder’s Kid on the Humble Path.

But First…A Joke:

After raising four kids, a woman from Ohio State reentered the workforce. although she was not trained in medicine, she decided her experience as a mother qualified her to open a medical clinic. She guaranteed that she could treat any health problem for $250. A sign on the door read “If you’re not cured, I’ll give you $500.”

One man from Michigan thought this was a good opportunity to make an easy $500. Entering the clinic, he said, “Doctor, I’ve lost my sense of taste. Food seems to have no flavor.”

The woman calls to her assistant, “Nurse, please bring medicine B24, and give the patient a half-ounce dose.” After the nurse fed him the medicine, the man exclaimed, “This is rubbing alcohol!” The mom said, “Congratulations! Your sense of taste has been restored. That will be $250.”

The patient got upset and concocted a plan to get his money back. A few days later, he walked in and said, “Doctor, I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.” The mom called out, “Nurse, please bring medicine B24, and give the patient a half-ounce dose.” The Wolverine exclaimed loudly, “But that’s rubbing alcohol!” The Buckeye said, “Congratulations, you’ve got your memory back. That will be $250.”

Angrily, the man stormed out. Later, he returned, saying, “Doctor, something is wrong with my eyes. I can barely see.” The woman thought for a moment and responded, “Well, I don’t have a medicine for that. Take this $500.” Looking at the bills, the man protested, “But this is $250.”

Snatching the money out of his hands, the woman said, “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $250.”

Bonus Dad Joke:

Child: Dad, why are you sleeping on the chandelier?

Dad: I’m a light sleeper.

A Verse to Contemplate:

For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes. Proverbs 24:16

Have I Told You This One?

I have been a believer in Jesus since I was 11 years old. I have not always lived the life that I should, and I am clearly Under Construction like so many in the faith. I have always gone to church, I have served on many missions’ trips, I give to charities, I pray, I study the Bible, blah, blah, blah. 

How could this happen to me/us? Had we not built up enough “spiritual capital;” so that this cup should pass from us? On some level, I thought I had this figured out. I was wrong. I was afraid, and I was mad at God. I did not understand why this was happening. I would never break down in front of the girls, but I would let loose in the shower. I have a tree in my back yard with some serious dents in it from a baseball bat I would take to it during the darker times. 

Looking back at this now, I was standing on the foundation of Marriage and Family which was about to get tested big time! 

I felt very much like David did when he wrote Psalm 13. Do you know this one? 

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will be enemy triumph over me? 

Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. 

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for He has been good to me. 

I was at the biggest crossroads of my life, and I had a choice to make. I could trust that God was working this out for my good or I could take things into my own hands and trust that Mark knew what was best for Mark and his family. Like many men I am an analytical person, and I think I should have all the answers. I did not. I did not want to Walk Humbly with My God. I didn’t feel like what had happened was “just” and I certainly was not loving mercy. Michelle is more than fine and living the best life possible in eternity. I don’t worry about her like I first did. I have accepted that she is happy and safe and forever healed of any sickness and will never shed another tear.

But Micah 6:8 kept speaking to ME.

My good friend Boyd Bailey writes the following which hit me directly between the eyes:

You can go through the motions of religious activity without brokenness and obedience; that is the epitome of pride. The audacity to use God is the ultimate deception. God will not be used. He will not be mocked, nor will He allow pride to roam free. Pride tries to convince you that you are God’s gift to the world, but that was Jesus, who God sent to us for the forgiveness of our sins. The reminder of that gift is meant to flush out pride and replace it with humility. Pride and humility cannot coexist. Humility understands and does not forget that God is the author of all good things. His Holy Spirit cuts through pride’s deception and replaces it with humility’s reality. The reality is, without the blessings of God, people are paupers lost in pride.

Humility and brokenness break the bonds of pride. You know pride is losing its grip when you release control of your life. Humility lets go. You let go of recognition; You let go of hurt feelings; You let go of the past; You let go of judging; You let go of bad habits; You let go of your family, your work, your relationships, your need to be right and to always have your way. You let it go and you leave it with God. This is what it means to trust God. Humility and trust go hand in hand, as much as pride and control. It is uncanny how humility and trust lead to more responsibility and power, while pride and control lose it. This is the great deception of pride: Pride thinks it is in control, but it is not.

The humble man recognizes God’s control and is trusted with more. When you humble yourself in your relationships, you will be given more peace and fulfillment. Stiffen up in pride, and you will lose that joy. Therefore, give up your way of doing things and submit to God’s way. Do not force your agenda; rather, accept the Almighty’s. If you continue to demand control, you are deceived. Pride will cause you to lose what you desire most and receive what you most regret. Humility exposes you to God’s eternal benefits. He will bless you far beyond what you expect or deserve. The benefit of humility far outweighs pride’s illusions.

Humble yourself before God does it for you. The Bible says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time” (I Peter 5:6).

Intimacy with God goes hand in hand with your brokenness. Your desire for intimacy with your Heavenly Father will be accompanied by brokenness, as it escorted you into intimacy with eternal God. It is your date with destiny. A broken and contrite heart delivers intimacy with the Almighty. Do not despise your broken condition. Rather, delight in its opportunity for intimacy. You long to know Jesus in the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His suffering (Philippians 3:10). These prayers were not in vain. Your brokenness is answered prayer. The answer may not be exactly what you expected. You may have anticipated a smoother route, a paved road free of bumps or potholes. But the path of personal and intimate relationship with Christ is not always easy.

Most of the time, intimacy requires difficulty. It is at this point of pressure and discomfort that some people disembark the train of intimacy. It is much easier to talk about an intimate relationship with Christ that it is to arrive at this point through brokenness. However, this is an exercise in convenience. It is like placing a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door of our life, in place of the “Clean Up My Room” invitation. Brokenness is inviting God to come in and cleanse your life. He stands at the door of our heart and knocks (Revelation 3:20). When you invite Christ into your broken lives, He comes in. Intimacy is then unleashed on His terms, not yours. It is only when you surrender in total desperation and total dependency on God that you experience true intimacy.

Intimacy with God through brokenness is not unlike what you experience in a relationship with people. Hardships and brokenness are meant to bring you closer to other people. A crisis will either drive you further away from someone or closer together. God’s best for you is to make you relationally stronger with one another during a season of brokenness. But brokenness is not a one-time phenomenon. It is an ongoing part of the committed Christian’s life. It is not as if you swallow this hard pill one time and then set for a lifetime of intimacy with God. Once God had marked you with brokenness, then you are positioned for Him to build on this firm foundation. He will still use mini brokenness throughout your life. These regular occurrences are bricks of brokenness connected by the cement of His grace. Over time, a life of brokenness becomes a stalwart structure of sanctification designed by God. Your brokenness is meant for your betterment. Indeed, you are much the better when you experience a defining moment of brokenness. It deserves your embrace, rather than your rejection. If you fight brokenness, you delay God’s best. You circumvent intimacy with Christ if you bypass brokenness. Focus your energies on changing yourself, not your circumstances. Christ will manage the circumstances while you adjust the attitude. A life of brokenness is an invitation to intimacy. His closeness and salvation are worth the time of brokenness.

Do not buck brokenness. Instead, rely on him and get to know Him at his deeper level of intimacy. You are much better broken because brokenness leads to intimacy with God.

Boyd, you nailed it my friend.

Over the past three years, I did everything in MY power to try and figure out why. This made no sense to me and frankly it still does not. This time in our lives is what we have been working so hard for all these years and now I am alone without her.

After a few months of trying to fix it, I realized that my attitude and thinking was off. I was asking the wrong questions. My family needed me to be a strong leader, my friends did as well and even though I do not understand this it is a way to influence others to Christ. I decided to stand on the foundation of Christ and His promises. I am slowly realizing it is not about me but about Him. He is God and I am Not.

I have been humbled and I am grateful most days instead of being mad and depressed. I put away my “spiritual medals” and resume. I learned enough to trust in God instead of telling Him what I thought was best for me and my family. I have reopened myself to be taught His ways and to see the folly in mine.

God loved me right where I was, people loved me right as I was, and God can and will use me as broken as I am. He is God and I am not. His ways are not my ways. If I am humble and if I seek justice, He can and will use me. What a renewing of the mind! 

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

I do not deserve anything. He has given me everything including the love of my life. I hear His instructions to Be Humble, Be Faithful.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit – Psalm 34:18. 

Of course, it is inevitable that we will encounter trials in our lives, along with times of joy. It is important that we do not forget that Christ promised this. These are important times, that with Christ leading the way, will help grow our faith and perseverance. 

Christ’s own brother James writes in Chapter 1:24

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” 

I praise God for the trials I have faced, to prepare me for life ahead. 

As I wrap up, I want to offer you a challenge. “I am going to give you a four-word challenge. Those four words are, “DO THE HARD STUFF!” Anyone can be average; we need people who are not afraid of the difficult things in life but step up and lead. Do not be meek, do not be afraid, do not be undecided. Be steadfast! Be the picture of the destination you want others to arrive at. If God has called you, He will prepare you and strengthen you for the task.

Thanks for listening.

A Prayer:

Heavenly Father, thank You for each and every opportunity You give me to share what You’ve done for me. Give me the courage to share how You have redeemed me and given me a new life.

Book Recommendation:

The Haters by Jesse Andrews (2016)

Music Recommendation:

Gretchen Goes to Nebraska by Kings X (1989)

Quote of the Day:

“Beware of no man more than yourself; we carry our worst enemies with us.” - Charles Haddon Spurgeon